Spanish families.Love and laughter.

The elderly are sitting on the beach chairs, watching their children and looking at the sea with gratitude for every that extra day of their life.Kids with wet and salty bodies catching waves and running back into the arms of their parents, shouting out another revelation of the day. Toddlers carefully placed in miniature pools painted with dolphins, wobbling on their tiny bottoms to the accompanied sounds of their aunts cries of admirations. Husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, exchanging jokes, sun creams and sharing their stories with extensive waves of their hands.

And grown up sons taking their old mothers to the sea.

Like my friend Pedro’s cousin, a 30 years old slim and handsome man and his old mother of gentle and nobel features. We were all in the sea swimming and laughing as usual when I witnessed an act of intense modesty and love.

The old woman tried to walk in the water supported carefully by her son, but the water reached her chest so she felt uncomfortable and I saw that she wanted to go back. Her son tenderly took her hands and hold them so she could straighten her legs and let the waves caress her body. With appreciation and trust she gradually relaxed her body and the man welcomed it with  visible joy. There was effortless care in every of his gestures. No pressure for fulfilling the duties. Not even a trace of irritation or embarrassment.

He was leading her attentively through the waves like one could lead a new born child; encouraging her with a few words spoken with a strong and joyful voice.

The old woman closed her eyes and a gentle smile appeared on her face.

I turned  my head and wept.

It is her birthday.

Man is tense since the early afternoon. He has concerns and something is bothering him. She is asking what it is, but he ignores her question, pretending been light and jolly. He was brought up to please others and keep his problems for himself ad he is good at it. She buys his desperately forced smile, because she wants to have a nice evening plus she is generally in a very good mood. Things go well for her, she feels strong and excited about the future.

Rest of the day  keeps them busy at their work until the evening comes.They are celebrating. Smoke salmon on blinis, champagne, cards, flowers, pearls, and stockings. Cosy evening with the main theme: “ What an amazing evenings we can still have”

Suddenly phone rings.Message on his mobile. Although they are in the middle of the celebrations he decides to read the message and tension that has been cumulated from the early afternoon fills up the air, the blinis, the salmon and the pearls…

Very angry man is texting him with insults about not receiving some papers on time. Papers seem to be very important and related to opening a special and very urgent bank account.

Woman proposes that her partner calls the angry man and explains the reasons, so man can feel gotten in his concerns and confusions and couple can continue their celebrations. Otherwise why for the hell he would decide to pick up the phone on Saturday night while celebrating his partner’s birthday??? If one does it means his intention is to deal with whatever is there,isn’t it?

Man however refuses. He is stuffed with his pride. He is a good man therefore feels awful not being able to keep his promise on time. He is also intelligent man to know that he should communicate with man and inform him about a problem much earlier. He knows that he puts his head into sand and this makes him very angry on himself. Therefore he justifies his failure by making wrong everybody around him, since anger needs to find a channel to be digested and absorbed.

For woman it becomes obvious that evening is finished unless situation is cleared up. They are both decent people and they know that this is not possible to dance with the stockings around their heads knowing that somebody else is upset by their actions.

He seems to be lost and situation seems to be bigger than his ability to sort it out. He asks for help. She repeats her request to contact man. He refuses. She asks again for the sake of their evening. He refuses.  She is upset of loosing her birthday celebrations so she starts to cry. He feels even worse and shouts out all his disappointments, regrets, missed chances and pressures, which life is offering him everyday.

He has enough and decides to end his life!

He is on a street now. She runs after him. Drama reaches a culmination with tears, grabbing the shirt, refusing coming back home. In lasting unfortunately only a fraction of the second return to common sense, she is getting present to the immense stupidity of the situation. They are coming back home. Sitting in a dark room man is sharing his pains, problems and worries ending with the suicidal conclusions. She feels numbed. She doesn’t understand how come that instead of just admitting mistake, clear up and move forward her partner is choosing to beat himself and being a victim, pouring on her his negativity, and wanting kill himself.

He decides to take a walk because he needs fresh air.

She is left covered up to her neck with destructive, negatively powerful thoughts and feelings of her partner.She goes to the bathroom and cries it out, then goes to bed closing door behind her.

He comes back later. Still in his drama, which seems to serve him beyond his life, marriage, work and passions,beyond his dreams and desires; he lays down on a sofa in a  dark living room in the fetus position hoping that heavily snoring sleep will solve it all.

There is still some salmon left on the kitchen table with bottle of champagne, half full or half empty, depends from which side of life ones does want to look at it.

And what are we learning dear children from this story?

That one must keep his promise or never ever take the mobile on a date!!!

And we are sitting somewhere in the middle of a puddle of procrastrinations build from fears and old beliefs.

We  know that we could do better, that there is more to learn,to experience, to discover, but our fear is bigger than the desire for change and we are ending bitter and unhappy.

I am saluting those of us who have the guts to step beyond fear, take risks, stand for the extraordinary life, whatever it might means.

Some of us will just bake bread, some will build cities. Somehow it is secondary, because the value of these acts of creation could be only measure  by the joy and fulfillment of what has been  put into it.

I salute my friend Jane, for being fearless! For making her dream come true and moving to Spain where she always wanted to be. For stepping beyond all possible second thoughts around money ( she is a great musician,one of best I ever seen, but still…a musician means a very unstable financial life) around family ( she is a single mother) around social life ( she has not too many friends in Spain yet and her spanish is very basic). A year ago she shared with me her dream and 12 months later I was just knocking at her door in Cadiz.

It is such a banal thing to say that life is too short to hesitate. BUT LIFE IS REALLY SHORT.

And we are wasting so much time to measure every word, every decision, every thought.

Lets just go and have some life instead! Lets do all those little things which we always wanted to do. Let’s be eager and curious and let’s dare! And just damn those who said that we can’t risk it! Damn them all!

Proteins, I mean eggs, nuts, beans ( if you soak them over night or use canned once, you are absolutely noiseless, trust me! I have tried with soaking and without ! You don’t want to know the details of my research for sure!). These are a great source of proteins, as good as meat or fish could be.

Though saying that I must share with you one of the reasons why I was so silent over the last few weeks. Namely I was exploring for the first time in my life the beauty of the burger invention!! Yes indeed!

What a discovery!!!

I always thought that I don’t like burgers. Why? Don’t ask me. No clue…maybe because of the association with hamburgers from Mc Donald’s and other crappy versions of a rather amazing concept of eating several dishes in one : you have bread, meat and side dish all together!

This discovery happened when I went with my son to the cinema/pub The Exhibit in Balham to watch a film “ We need to talk about Kevin” Yes I know, this is probably the last film to watch with your 19 years old child, although I must say his comments afterwards were very perceptive and interesting and some of them very welcomed and reassuring, especially this one : “Don’t worry Mum. I am screwed up a little, like every child is, but not to such an extend. Let’s go and have a burger!”

Maybe because of the  euphoria of what I just heard, I agreed and 10 minutes later I found myself eating a giant size burger, so delicious that I just couldn’t find words to express all my freshly awakened sensations! And I had no time either, because the juice from fantastic tomatoes, were pouring down my fingers so I needed to lick them all the time, looking towards the ceiling with true gratitude!

This was just fantastic! I have learned that they make their own sourdough rolls, crispy, dark and healthy! They also carefully select their meat , which was really great ( I don’t eat beef normally. Don’t like it!) Tomatoes had the taste and color of tomatoes and the mayo was light and well seasoned. I also had some avocado perfectly ripe and just opened before it was cut and added to my already enormous burger.

Since then I went on a mission and visited, don’t ask how many, pubs and restaurants offering burgers.Two best were The Exhibit in Balham and Roxy’s Steakhouse on Fulham Road in Fulham.

I even tried it once at home, using ciabatta bread and horseradish instead of mayo. Delicious.

Then it has stopped. As sudden as it came. I was fulfilled on my burger journey for a good while!

I’m not sure when my call come again but I must say it can be really a great and tasty dish like any other one, as long as the  ingredients are chosen carefully and with health in mind.

And as long as you are in a joyful mood, because it’s a whole, quite sensual experience that includes licking, smiling and cleaning happily your shiny chin!

Voila!

I am happy to announce that I am NOT apple shape anymore, although it doesn’t make me automatically pear shape either.

To be pear shape I would need to loose another 10 cm in my waist. And then ladies and gentlemen I would experience a fertility effect, which basically means that if a man would have in front of him a woman with the ratio waist to hip 70/ 30 he would just want immediately…let’s say produce a baby!

I read somewhere about this fertility effect and the research was based on the measurement of the most sexy woman ever ( HOHOHO!!!) including Marilyn Monroe and Mae West and I forgot other names.

I just wonder what I’m supposed to do to get there??? Put myself between a grape juice press? Or get depressed and never get outside anymore or always keep a man in front of me rather than behind, holding his attention to my front assets ( I meant my FACE , dears…FACE!) Maybe I can start to shape my waist using the acrobatic ring, also called a hula hoop… you just trying desperately to hold it on your waist using your abdominal muscles, swinging backwards and forwards in the same time…or I can try belly dancing! Yes belly dancing! I even have somewhere a scarf for this purpose with lots of metal coins along the edges to make great noise while moving my hips. I could cover my lower face and pretend I’m the modern version of Sheherezad.. I’m sure my husband would love it.

There is also an option that I would give it all up and enjoy my life instead. And this is what I am going to do.

Anyway the final results are as follow: I have released 9 cm of indulgence from my waist and 5cm from my hips, which gives me new no-apple ratio 0.79. For detailed explanation how it works go to my post  Say the Truth and Breathe - Day 5

This is fantastic having in mind that I was eating very well, 5 times per day.

The most important however is that I have lost my cravings for sugar !!!

I am not sugar addict anymore. If this would be the only one benefit from being on this program for 3 months it was absolutely worth it!

There is much more however because I become very aware of what I am eating and feel pretty balanced. At least about that (!!)

Through my whole life food was leading me and I was following blindly. Now it is me who is choosing! It gives me a real sense of freedom.

As you know I was combining this program with Ramona Braganza exercises and although I was not desperately following her routine and sometimes didn’t go to the gym as often as she recommended, I have found her exercises very easy to follow and very effective!!

These were some main rules to follow and I want to keep them:

- eating little every three hours

- having protein with every meal

- avoiding grains after 4 pm

- cutting on everything white

- reducing starchy vegetable

- having breakfast EVERY DAY as it is the most important meal of the day

- using Dr Glenville supplements every day

- exercising according to Ramona Braganza’s program, 3 times per week

It is important to add that this is not a diet!

This is just a way of eating.

It does change your metabolism. It does balance your sugar level. It simply works!!!!

Hurray!!!!!!

She looked at me surprised and said:  - To me it doesn’t look like  freedom at all ! – So what looks like freedom to you? – I asked -  Eating whatever you fancy even if you know that it doesn’t serves you? -  and we both started to laugh!

But this is an interesting point, because so often we are using the word freedom when actually there is no freedom at all.

I didn’t have any freedom when I was eating too much, indulging myself with another cookie and another cookie and another even bigger cookie…I was in despair, I was eating my feelings or boredom or both. Sometimes I was just eating out of habit. What kind of freedom was there?

At least now I have a choice. I have the freedom to choose what I believe serves my body at it’s best.

It might sound heavy and not very funny, but as a matter of fact I have much more fun now around eating than before! I eat with more joy and lightness because I am not coming from the space that I have to eat this or that only because I cannot resist.

I am coming from the space of choice. And because my body likes it and responds well with increasing health, energy, better looking skin and shiny hair , it helps me to stay on track.

It helps me to listen myself and go beyond all habits build on what I was before but  not necessarily who I am today…Most of us are still going to a patisserie as 5-year-old kids who were rewarded by our parents after a well-done task !  50 years later we are still running to the cake shop to celebrate the business meeting! If it could be just the cake shop…what about pubs and restaurants?

We are still approaching reality from the past, past behaviors and habits…but we have changed ( hopefully!!) We have  grown up ( hopefully) and we live in different cities, countries, continents.

So yes, as a 15-year-old girl, when things went either too good or too bad I was immediately at the counter of my local grocery store buying the biggest rolls with the biggest slice of ham from the biggest ever pig, with half a jar of mayonnaise on top of it; following with at least two doughnuts washed up with Polo Cocta ( this was the communist version of Coca Cola).

This is what I always did because I didn’t know anything better! Because food was the answer for everything, and I was leaving in a poor country, so for us eating was the way to compensate everything what we couldn’t have.

But it doesn’t mean that many years later I still need to run to Waitrose each time when somebody is not nice to me or SO nice that I cannot take it !!!!

Otherwise I am still this 15 years old girl who just refused to grow..and from that perspective nothing really can be build! Not my parenthood, not my career, not my marriage and certainly not my intimate life!

• You look great today !
•  O.. really? – with the voice dying on the last vow in self disbelief

or

• No! You must be joking! This is just my hair…I washed them! – following with some nervous giggling

or

• What do you really mean?  – no giggling in the end…the iron voice instead.

Some of us don’t respond at all, just giving this killer look to be sure that the person will never, ever, even try to say something nice to us again!

It is so funny, because everything what’s supposed to be done is just to say THANK YOU!

That’s it.

When I started to practice my simple thank you it sounded like an alien to me. I was sure that people only saying good things to me or about me because:

• they want to sleep with me ( in male case)
• they want something else from me
• they make fun of me

So as you can imagine the chances that I could hear any compliment were very narrow, because who wanted to say good things to somebody who couldn’t accept it and reacted like a bullfighter!

Peace in this matter came together with acceptance about who I am and who the others are. From learning how to give and how to receive love. It was a journey and I am truly present to that each time I’m hearing myself saying a simple: thank you.